Viewpoint: Giving compliments can be a win-win

I’ve never been comfortable with compliments – giving or receiving.

It’s not that I don’t appreciate them, it’s just, well, I’m sure it’s a self-esteem thing, and perhaps has something to do with an underlying cynicism fostered, in part, by some of the things I’ve covered and experienced during my 17 or so years of working in newsrooms.

Hmm. That’s something I should work on.

Regarding the newsroom, typically I’m focused on the multi-tasking requirements of the average work day and do not compliment my co-workers as much as I should for their hard work and accomplishments.

OK, this is also something I can file under “needs improvement.”

On occasion, when I’m impressed by, say, a meal or a service or a particular product, I’ll make an effort to give a compliment – in person if the opportunity presents itself and sometimes by email if I’m determined.

I’ll also offer complimentary “word-of-mouth” suggestions or reviews when prompted in conversation, but that’s not the same as showing your gratitude in person.

Alternatively, I am reluctant to join the empathy-devoid ranks on social media or various review websites who, when upset or angered by something, respond immediately and from the gut with denigrating remarks that do nothing to help a situation or encourage improvement.

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A University of Pennsylvania study looked at why people are often reluctant to compliment someone else when there’s an opportunity. From that study it was suggested one of the reasons is that some people refrain from complimenting others as it may incite a feeling of envy. They avoid complimenting others so they don’t feel bad about themselves.

Social anxiety and awkwardness might also be a factor. Some people may feel weird about giving a compliment, and therefore assume others may feel weird about receiving one.

Another factor was competence – a worry that what you want to say may not come out right, or will perhaps seem insincere.

I think I can relate to the latter two factors (remember the self-esteem thing).

Interestingly, the same study notes that despite any discomfort you might feel around compliments, you typically feel better about yourself after you give them. So really, it’s kind of a win-win.

I appreciate you for reading this column. (Yeah, I still need to work on this compliment thing.)

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