As odd as it may sound, one of Erica Casselman’s greatest life accomplishments was caring for her dying husband, Jim.
“I would never exchange the time we had,” Casselman says of her lifelong love, who died of cancer in 2007. “Caring for Jim made me a more compassionate, more human person. I learned so much through the experience.”
In 2005, Jim was diagnosed with pleural mesothelioma, an incurable form of cancer caused by asbestos inhalation. Jim was treated with aggressive chemotherapy and underwent surgery. During a seven-month remission, the couple and their two sons enjoyed a reasonably active life, cherishing the time they had.
In December 2006, the disease took centre stage again and Jim tried an unproven treatment as part of a clinical trial in Edmonton. Sadly, this did not work and Jim died in April 2007.
Casselman’s experience grew into a feeling that she had a personal responsibility to help others.
“There are challenges in caregiving for someone you love, but I also felt compelled to share that there are gifts in the caregiving role. You can get so bogged down in the challenges that you can’t see the rewards,” she says.
And so, Casselman has become a CancerConnections volunteer, acting as a source of support for other caregivers whose loved ones have cancer. This is an extension of a Canadian Cancer Society program that pairs people who have cancer with others who are recently diagnosed and looking for some support.
Casselman knows firsthand that it is not just cancer patients who need support – caregivers also need caring. So she joined the network of volunteers across the country who offer the voice of experience to those in a similar situation to her own. The program operates by phone, so matches between volunteer and caregiver happen across the country.
“What I love about this program is that it is so accessible, all you need is a phone, so you can contact people from anywhere you might be and reach them even in the most remote of places,” says Casselman.
The service is free and the volunteer is given a calling card to make the connection with the person looking for support. This also protects the volunteer’s confidentiality because they never give out their personal phone numbers and ensures the support role doesn’t become more than a volunteer can handle. The CancerConnections program also sets limits on the relationship.
Casselman, for example, has had six matches from across the country and all have involved someone caring for a terminal cancer patient. Once the person has died, Casselman will do a follow-up call with the caregiver, but then the support can be facilitated by the Canadian Cancer Society’s office to bereavement support services in that person’s community.
There is also constant support for volunteers through the Canadian Cancer Society’s debriefing teams.
“They recognize this can be an emotional process for their volunteers and I can call them any time for suggestions, ideas about what to say and they always follow up with me to see how I am doing.”
Casselman says that while she is still grieving the loss of her husband, offering support to others provides satisfaction.
“You get to know them so well, because you understand the journey of cancer. Often I’ve heard, ‘Erica, you are the only one who gets it.’ And I find that so important. It helps me put aside whatever I am doing. It is not about me, it is about them, in that moment in time in that dark place,” she says.
“My thought is, if you want hope in life, give hope to others.”
Often simply listening is what can be most helpful.
As well, volunteers can bring up topics or offer some coping strategies or practical tips that the caregiver can choose to use as they see fit. She suggests caregivers consider things like wills and medical care directives, look at recording moments with their loved one through photos, audio tapes, and speaking to friends and family from their heart about how to help.
“I’ve become very comfortable with talking about the uncomfortable,” she says.
If you or someone close to you has cancer, or if you are a cancer survivor or caregiver looking for a meaningful volunteer opportunity, The Canadian Cancer Society invites you to contact their free and confidential support programs at cancer.ca or by calling 1-888-939-3333.