Why does a man give his life for his country?
This is the complex question Okanagan English professor Melanie Murray explores in her book For Your Tomorrow: The Way of an Unlikely Soldier.
The book is an eloquent tribute to her nephew, Capt. Jeff Francis, whose life was destroyed by an IED in Afghanistan in 2007. It is also a gift to her family and an act of healing for herself.
“Having my sister, witnessing for her the loss of her child, just witnessing the way their lives have changed, the depth of grief inside them, nobody can really prepare you for that.” she says. “This is the way I handle grief or any intense emotion, I write it down, lay it bare and work through it.”
The memoir traces her nephew’s life – from his birth on Remembrance Day, 1970 to his death on Independence Day, 2007. Hours of research, digging into memories and putting all the pieces together were used to determine what compelled Francis, at age 30, to abandon his PhD. studies to enlist in the Canadian military, then to risk his life for the Afghanistan mission.
“All those soldiers that have lost their lives have become statistics,” Murray says, pointing out that, for the most part, they are in the public’s mind only when their deaths are announced on the news. “I wanted to put a human face on what makes a soldier and the family that supports them, to give more thought about who they are.”
Writes LGen. (Ret’d) Roméo Dallaire: “Jeff Francis gave his life not only for his comrades and their mission; he gave it with the firm conviction that it was his duty to humanity. This detailed account of the two lives of a Canadian captain reveals his metamorphosis from a student philosopher to a dedicated military leader and father, deeply committed to his family and ancestry.”
Murray also takes her readers on a journey through despair to hope. Visceral emotion is palpable; from the initial anxiety family members feel about their loved one’s imminent return from a volatile combat zone, to denial, despair, loss – the unimaginable loss of a husband, father, son, brother, nephew and the loss, at least for a while for some, a desire to live.
When Murray told her sister she wanted to write the book, her reaction was “kind of like wow! Do you think you could do that?’”
Supportive every step of the way, her sister’s reaction to holding the book with the face of her son on the front cover was powerful and poignant.
“She said, ‘When you told me (about the book), if only I could have imagined I would still be alive,’” says Murray. “This is what stories do for people. They give them something to hang onto, to give hope too.”
And as healing as writing can be for a writer, it is passed on to the reader who gets to experience those emotions and the cathartic release, says Murray, who notes that, despite being very private people, their need to tell the world about Jeff Francis was powerful.
“It doesn’t go away, the weight of sorrow is always with you, it’s all in there,” she says. “We can suppress it, but that’s what causes disease.”
And while they still suffer his loss, the family has learned to carry on, strong in each other’s love and support.
To Micah, Jeff was her only sibling and best friend and his loss left a vacancy in her life. About to set out on the rugged West Coast Trail, she was called home to Nova Scotia, where she grappled with her own sorrow while trying to support her parents through the unimaginable loss of an only son.
“She just gave birth to twins last July,” says Murray. “Babies demand present focus, which is really good for my sister. She’s really needed there.”
Jeff’s wife Sylvie and their child remain very close to his family,
“That was his gift, what he left was this child,” Murray says. “Healing has taken place in many ways. We’re learning ways to carry on that relationship with that loved one. You don’t want to forget them.”
Murray was born in Malagash, NS and spent much of her childhood in Oromocto, NB while her father was stationed at Canadian Forces Base Gagetown. She holds an MA in Canadian Literature, a BA in English and a BEd. She now lives in Kelowna, where she teaches English at Okanagan College.
Murray will be at Bookingham Palace at the Mall at Piccadilly to sign copies of her book from 1 to 3 p.m. Saturday, June 4.