If there is a cosmic scale that weighs the value of gifts, it has tipped mightily in Kristin Crossman’s favour.
Kristin has given her life-long friend, Chantal Kahovec, an irreplaceable, life-changing gift that few would consider.
About 10 years ago, Chantal was diagnosed with a cancer that left her unable to have a baby. She and her spouse John went through a procedure to have embryos frozen, in hopes of having a child through a surrogate mother. A cousin offered, but tragedy struck. Before the baby was born, the Kahovecs were told he was sick. Shortly after he was born, he died.
Kristin and Chantal grew up together in Rosetown, Saskatchewan, as did Kristin’s spouse Teneal and Chantal’s John. They were friends in school and it was a friendship that endured. They stood up for each other at their weddings.
Kristin and Teneal have two daughters who are two and four years old.
When Kristin was pregnant with her second daughter, she mentioned to Chantal that sometime she would like to be a surrogate mother for them.
Those words were to become reality.
“We’ve just been friends for a long time, pretty much since elementary school,” explains Kristin, who now lives in Blind Bay with her family.
“I had my own kids and I thought I could have one for her. I like being pregnant, it was an easy decision,” she says matter of factly. “They’ve always wanted a baby – forever – so I thought it would be easy to give them one.”
True to her word, last year Kristin flew with Chantal to Toronto, where the embryos were stored. Two were implanted in a half-hour procedure, and one thrived.
Kristin says the pregnancy was no different than her others.
“I felt pretty much the same as I did with the girls. Nobody knew if it was a girl or not and I was always saying, ‘I think it’s probably a girl,’ and it turned out to be, so that was kind of nice.”
She said her husband and her mom were initially a little worried, but she pointed out that with modern medicine, dangers are few. She also emphasized to them how determined she was to do it.
The Crossmans made sure their own two daughters knew, right from the start, that the baby was Chantal and John’s. Kristin said conversations with strangers were interesting.
“Sometimes when I was pregnant people would come up and say to the oldest, ‘Oh you’re going to have a new baby brother soon.’”
Lauren, who is four, would say ‘no.’
“Then they’d be like, ‘Well I think you are, your mom looks pretty pregnant,’ smiles Kristen. “She’s like, ‘No we aren’t.’ Eventually she just gave in, ‘Okay I guess we are.’ Sometimes she would try and say, ‘it’s Chantal and John’s baby,’ but nobody was really paying much attention to her.”
Chantal and John came from Saskatchewan as the baby’s due date approached, and the excitement was not limited to the families.
“Everyone was awesome,” says Chantal of the staff at Shuswap Lake General Hospital. “It was the first surrogate to ever happen at that hospital, so it was exciting for not only us but the hospital as well.”
She’s especially grateful to Dr. Dirk Breugem.
Kristin ended up having a caesarean. With the help of medication that generated breast milk, Chantal was able to hold and breastfeed healthy little Mateah immediately.
“It’s going good, she’s a good little eater – a hungry little girl,” says Chantal.
Mateah, who was born May 17, is now two-and-a-half months old.
“She looks like my husband,” says Chantal. “That’s what everybody said.”
The hospital provided the families with adjoining rooms after the birth.
“They came in and had coffee in the morning and hung out,” says Kristin.
When the baby was five days old, the Kahovecs flew home to Saskatchewan.
Kristin credits cabbage leaves with drying up her milk – a process she says was not at all painful. She also says it was not too difficult seeing the baby leave, because she knew she would see her and her family again.
“It might have been if she was taken from the delivery room.”
At the end of June, Kristin and her family went to Saskatchewan for a visit. Kristin thinks Mateah might have recognized her daughters’ voices a little.
“She seemed a little bit more awake when she heard my girls talking... She was trying to look around a little bit more or something.”
Chantal, too, mentions that her “little miracle” probably found her house quiet when she first came home, as she was used to the voices of the two little girls.
Mateah has acquired Kristin’s relaxed attitude.
“Kristin was really easy-going as a surrogate,” says Chantal. “Nothing seemed to bother her during the pregnancy, and Mateah is that way too. I think that rubbed off on her.”
Adds Chantal: “We couldn’t have asked for a more nurturing surro mommy.”
And the surrogacy has only deepened their friendship.
“I think it’s made it stronger for sure. She’s a pretty special person – their whole family is pretty special to do that for us.”
Kristin, meanwhile, recommends the experience. “Yeah, for sure... I guess there could always be difference outcomes, but we had a perfect situation. There was never a problem, it was a textbook pregnancy.”